My birthday is on the 24th of this month and it’s my golden birthday! That means I am turning 24 on the 24th which is a big deal according to pinterest. So by the time you are reading this I will obviously be much wiser and mature than I am in this very moment writing this blog post while watching Bob’s Burgers in a cat onesie. Because that’s how birthdays work right? 

People celebrate their birthdays in different ways. Some people have a huge party, some go on a giant binger, some like to celebrate their “birth week” like weirdos (I definitely do this…) and some don’t like to celebrate at all. They might feel it’s just another year bringing them closer to death as they reminisce about all the things they haven’t accomplished yet in their dwindling life. The trendiest of bloggers however, like to celebrate by making a list of things they’ve learned that year equaling the age they turned. Well I’m not going to do that. 

I’m going to do one better. 

Here is a list of 24 thing’s I HAVE and HAVEN’T learned in my 24 years of life!

1. I mastered the art of duct tape wallets.
2. I still cannot tie my shoes without doing the bunny ears.
3. I learned that teachers lied to us when they said we wouldn’t be walking around with calculators in our pockets when we grow up.
4. I’ve tried and failed many times to pee standing up. This is the year!
5. People change. Also, people don’t change.
6. I still can’t play anything on a musical instrument except for ‘Frere Jacques’ on the piano depending on whom you ask. 
7. I’ve learned to love my caterpillar eyebrows. My mom told me not to pluck them when everyone else was. I listened. Can’t say my sister did.
8. Still can’t take my car to the shop without calling my dad at least twice.
9. Collect memories, not things.
10. Sing. I apologize to anyone who has been subjected to these pipes of mine.
11. Forgive but don’t forget. Still working on this one, but I’ve come a long way.
12.  I can never remember to take my hair out of the drain in the shower and wonder every time why my shower always sucks and clogs up.
13. I’ve learned how to fully support myself financially. Go adult me!
14. Haven’t learned how to switch my old Hotmail account over to a more accepted Gmail account. 
15. Some people aren’t going to like you simply because they aren’t going to like you. That’s okay.
16. I can’t drive stick.
17. Don’t necessarily listen to people when they tell you poop jokes aren’t funny; telling one might just lead you to the love of your life.
18. Can’t keep my mouth shut. Walking into 24 still a loud mouth.
19. Leap and the net will appear. 19 year old Alycia learned that when she up and moved across the country all-alone with nothing but a dream and crazy parents who let her do it. 
20. Still working on not taking things too personally. Professionally and personally.
21. Life changes in an instant. Pick up that phone call. Tell that person you love them. Eat that Fiery Doritos Locos Taco Supreme before Taco Bell DISCONTINUES IT?!?!?! But why Taco Bell??
22. Haven’t mastered the art of not letting go of people so easily. This is one of my top ones to work on this year.
23. You know when the flight attendants tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others? That but like in everyday life. I’m learning I have to take care of myself before I can help take care of others.
24. I haven’t learned how to not procrastinate! Been planning to write this all week but am cramming now!

There you have it. My 24-year-old wisdom has now been bestowed upon you. Do with it as you wish, but I am pretty proud of how far I’ve come and hoping 24 brings with it a better more lighthearted year than 23. 23, you did me dirty but you forced me to become even stronger and to trust myself a little more. The reality of it is, 24 will be no different than 23 unless I decide to make some changes. So in the words of Hannah Montana, “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.”
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*Bonus things I’ve learned because I’m only turning 24 but I’ve learned more than 24 things.
1. Climate change is real.
2. You really can do anything no matter your race or where you come from. A person with orange skin from reality TV can be the president.
3. Do not foster dogs unless you are planning on adopting them.
​4. Dwayne Johnson skips leg day a lot.
5. My mom is extraordinary.

USE A SPACE AFTER A PUNCTUATION MARK, GAGE!!!

I am very tempted to go back and edit this status, because this is driving me insane…

Also, notice how I went from one like to zero. That’s how you know these are getting worse.

For those not familiar with the lingo, the word “frolf” is a combination of frisbee and golf and is a “sport” I played in high school. I might as well put in “planking” or “doing the Harlem Shake” instead of frolf because those would have aged just as well.

As well as this being a poorly structured joke, this was also my thinly veiled call for help. I had no idea what I was doing at that point in my life and I used humor as a way to mask my uncertainty.

A lot of people say they wish they could go back in time and tell their past self that everything is gonna work out. I think what people really mean is they wish they could tell themselves to stop worrying about the petty bullshit. I can 90% guarantee this was about some girl who didn’t like me or some class I was struggling with. I would tell my 2011 self to not worry about that and he would definitely not listen. I should’ve been worrying about taxes or something.

My main takeaway by reflecting back on the decade was seeing personal growth. That’s why I consider the 2010s to be time well spent. I needed experience to become a more well-rounded person. Time used to improve is not time wasted.

So as we go into this new decade, I plan to be a better person than I was at the start of the 2010s. Work a little harder, love a little more, and do my best to put out some good into the world. I’ll try to even make better social media posts. Follow me on Twitter @GageAgnew for bangers like this: